It should have been great news! But it landed with a big wave of anxiety instead.
A world renown celebrity photographer, Warwick Saint, wanted to take photos of me for Amant, which features images of feminine power. <insert hyperventilation here> This guy, a dear friend and amazing artist, just got back from photographing that Harry Potter guy. And a few weeks ago, he was creating art with the world’s top models. He took pics of many of my favorite-est rock stars and movie stars. Squeee!
Yes, it should have been the best news ever! But my first thought?
I need to cleanse. I need a facial. How can I lose 10 pounds in 3 weeks?
Now, some people who know me would be surprised to hear that I have the same body-image critique voices running as just about all women. That’s cause I really do love my body. I am a stand for the beauty-full-ness of all women. I love the pleasure and the curves and the vitality of this body. I love how my body serves me as a vessel of my work and my pleasure. I have spent years de-armoring my body, dancing into my confidence, and increasing my capacity for sensual pleasure.
Still, I am programmed, trapped in the constant nagging critique inside my mind. It is a low-volume incessant chatter – comparing myself. Vigilance. And something inside thinks that if I am not top-notch pretty, I will be tossed aside, ignored, and perhaps even destroyed. What the heck?
Well, guess what? I found a way through it that created the perfect experience. Yes, I fought with myself in those 3 weeks leading up to the photo shoot. But I watched my thoughts. I treated myself to a short nourishing cleanse where I just ate even better than usual, and a facial (long overdue), and made it my practice to do these from a place of nurturing self-love.
Didn’t. Lose. One. Pound.
And it was perfect.
A few days before I traveled to LA for the shoot, I was laughing, realizing how serendipitous it was that I’d be seen, revealed, and immortalized exactly as I am – at the top of my typical weight range – in my voluptuous, sumptuous, peri-menopausal gorgeousness. Because I am a stand for the Power of woman. And my power is not controlled by my body mass index.
So I wrote about it – how beauty is about the power that flows through us as channels. That article will be out on the Amant site on Aug 1 so you can stay tuned for that.
Join me this Friday
Aug 29, 2016 at 5:00PM PST – LIVE
For an interview with Amant creator, Ariel White, on
Tips and Practices for Accessing Your True Beauty
Tune in on Friday and I’ll share more about the Beauty Freakout phenomenon and my best tips and tricks for you loving your powerful feminine form NOW exactly as you are!