Re-birth into what is Authentically Important to you
I’ve never shared something so personal as I’m about to share here with you now.
But I think it can be useful for you, exactly where you are, right now.
See, it’s Spring. Time for new beginnings. New Moon in Aries means time to re-birth what means the most to you. Time to stand passionately in what is true and real and motivating.
But, honestly, this new birth means nothing unless it comes from the raw authentic death/winter you have just passed through. So I’m going to share my encounter with death, and encourage you to look squarely in the eyes of what means the most to you, as you begin to move forward in this new season.
This is from my diary on Sept 23. It’s taken me 6 months to read it again, much less to share it, unedited, with you today.
Today, I found out my mom is dying. She’s in the same hospital where she birthed me 46 1/2 years ago.
She’s gaunt, but her eyes and face light up so bright when she smiles – which she did a lot even after the kind-eyed Doctor told her it was time to end treatment for her liver cancer and begin hospice.
She said she understood.
Yes hospice was a good idea.
She agreed we could keep her comfortable. That was good.
No more pain.
No more treatments.
Her next request?
(The solution to everything in our family)
She said she’d been having strange dreams – of kings and queens – royalty.
“Maybe it’s time to let us treat you as a Queen, Mom!”
“Yes maybe,” she said.
“Are you scared? Of Death?”
She clarified, “No, but I feel funny thinking this – I feel afraid of having Alzheimer’s like my mom did.” And she cried her terror – right on the surface – so honest.
I breathed with her.
“Well, Mom, you don’t have Alzheimer’s. So that’s good news.”
She smiled and laughed while still weeping in the remnants of her reverie of terror.
She was looking forward to seeing her mom.
She didn’t seem scared of death. In fact, she said, her fantasy activity now is just to feel cozy and sleep. She wants nothing else.
“Death is along those lines,” she smiled with her eyes and nodded.
Yes, I thought. She is truly ready.
She is so clear,
Bright and real.
Even as I sobbed, she held my eye contact and just loved me.
My whole life
She loved me.
As I read this now, six months later, I feel the grief ripping through me with sobs and piles of tissues.
And I’m grateful.
Because this Grief is stripping away the BS. Like grief does.
This Grief, and this captured moment in my diary, are pointing me back to what’s important….
Tenderness. Loving Touch. Faith.
Receiving love as well as giving love.
Conviction to face my fears, and to laugh compassionately at my self-limitations.
Connecting with Spirit World as much as physical.
And moving forward into the grand unknown with conviction for the Highest Good.
Remembering this sobering gorgeous exquisitely painful time opens me to re-dedication to what’s most important.
And I’m sharing it with you so you might remember what’s most important to you too.
What will you still find important on your death bed?
I’d love to hear… Please comment below.